How to quickly and effectively restore trust between team members?

I was asked to facilitate a team that struggles with collaboration

Recently, I was asked to facilitate a "team day" for a group of 10 health professionals. The team was facing various challenges such as inefficient meetings (e.g., lateness, endless discussions, recurring agenda-items), conflict avoidant behavior, high turnover leading to an unstable team, and a lack of work-life balance.

They expressed a desire to improve collaboration, restore a sense of belonging and trust, and find more fulfillment in their work.

Negative consequences of directly focussing on desired skills

Typically, facilitators start with teaching desired skills like communication, negotiation, problem-solving, decision-making, feedback, etc., to restore trust and collaboration within a team. These skills are indeed important!

I believe that focusing solely on these desired skills will only result in short-term enthusiasm and hope for change, without fostering lasting shifts in attitudes and team culture.

Especially in high-stress environments like most teams face today, people's unconscious limiting patterns often hinder them from consistently applying these positive attitudes and newly acquired skills effectively.

My suggestion is to first address limiting patterns

Therefore, before introducing any collaborative skills, I chose to first address the limiting patterns of the team members that blocked successful collaboration. 

Some limiting patterns that these team members courageously admitted to having were conflict avoidance, shutting down, fear of saying no, blame shifting, sarcasm, assuming excessive responsibility, and talking behind others' backs.

There are two levels of addressing limiting patterns

1. The first level involves helping individuals become aware of their limiting patterns, accepting them, and learning to manage them when they arise.

This self-awareness skill is taught, among many other essential collaborative skills, in the Radical Collaboration workshop, conducted worldwide by certified RC trainers.

This approach leads to counteractive change: individuals learn more desired responses on top of their existing limiting reactions. With practice, they learn to manage or let go of these limiting patterns and to choose more constructive responses, leading to more collaborative relationships.

Addressing limiting patterns on this level usually requires ongoing willpower, as the old patterns remain ingrained in the brain. So during moments of high stress, the patterns may resurface.

As evidenced by the many positive testimonials received by RC trainers, this approach has shown significant improvements in work culture for many teams worldwide, especially when combined with the other essential skills taught at the RC workshops. It's an excellent choice for many teams, if you take into account the limits of the team member’s comfort zone.  

1. The second level involves assisting individuals in becoming aware of their patterns, accepting them, and rewiring them rather than merely managing them.

This approach, taught in the Transformational Keys online program, leads to transformative change. Through the activation of an innate neural mechanism of change called "memory reconsolidation", the old limiting pattern can be unlearned or erased and replaced with a more constructive learned response.

The TK facilitation model teaches four transformational keys—connect, explore, rewire, and create—to activate this mechanism efficiently, effectively, and consistently. The TK neuromap is an essential tool for exploring and rewiring limiting patterns by uncovering the emotional truth behind each pattern.

Keep in mind that not all teams are ready to work on this deeper level. 

This team was ready for a deep dive!

During the team day, I chose to work on level 2. I created a psychologically safe environment where the team members felt comfortable opening up to me and each other, I asked each team member to identify a limiting pattern that hindered effective collaboration and I used the TK neuromap to explore the emotional truth behind each pattern. 

The emotional truth of a pattern weaves together all the emotional learnings that drive a pattern: learnings about how to perceive or interpret reality, learnings about what leads to suffering and learnings about how to avoid or cope with suffering. It creates a link between the pattern, a fear or essential need and an unresolved past stressful experience. 

Here is an overview of the emotional truths we discovered for all the members:

Sandrine

When I come to a meeting in time and well prepared, and others come too late, take a lot of space and start talking a lot, it means to me they don’t take me seriously and don’t appreciate all that I do. A vulnerable part of me fears not being respected and being disregarded, just like I felt as a child in relationship with my mum who was verbally very assertive and took a lot of space. That’s painful to feel. To deal with this pain I shut down in the meeting and act as if everything is ok, while I feel very frustrated inside, even if this withholds me from being open and authentic.

Catherine

When my colleagues complain about getting paid less for certain tasks (as result of their own decisions of accepting less clients), I interpret it as they don’t see all the work I put into developing the financial structure of our company. A vulnerable part of me fears being seen as incompetent, just like I felt as a young child towards my older siblings who never took me seriously. That’s still painful to feel. To deal with this pain I become sarcastic, even it this withholds us from having a good atmosphere among the team members.  

Lisa

When a good colleague leaves our team, I interpret it as I’m getting in a very unstable unsafe environment. A vulnerable part of me fears feeling unsafe and devastated just like I felt as a child growing up in a very unstable environment. That’s still painful to feel. To deal with this pain when someone leaves our team, I blame other colleagues for what’s happening, even if this prevents us from having a psychological safe environment.  

Katia

When a colleague is leaving our team, I interpret this as a big loss. A vulnerable part of me fears our team will collapse and I will lose warmth and connection, just like I felt as a child when my parents were entangled in an ugly divorce and I lost all sense of belonging. This is painful to feel. To deal with this pain, I go out of my way to make sure our team will continue to exist, even if this prevents me from having a good work-life balance.  

Elise

When nobody of our team answers to a request to take over the tasks of a colleague in sick leave, I expect that our clients will be left in the cold. A vulnerable part of me fears to feel overwhelm and responsible for people in need, just like I felt responsible as a child to make sure everyone was ok in my family. That’s still painful to feel. To deal with this pain, I take on too many tasks even though this prevents me from having a good work-life balance.   

Julie

When I notice that, during a meeting, some colleagues come back on decisions that were already made in the past, I interpret it as them believing I’m not doing my job well enough as facilitator. A vulnerable part of me fears being seen as incompetent, just like I felt at earlier work places. That’s still painful to feel. To deal with this pain, I doubt myself, I allow people to talk again about earlier issues we already decided upon, and/or I talk with some colleague’s outside of the meeting about their point of view, even though this comes across as talking behind people’s back and prevents us from using our time efficiently.  

Louise

When someone asks the team who wants to take over the tasks of a colleague in sick leave, and nobody is volunteering, I interpret it as some of our clients will not get the care they need. A vulnerable part of me fears not everyone will be taken care of, just like I felt as child when I felt responsibility to take care of other family members to feel safe. That’s still painful to feel. To deal with this pain, I can’t say no to a request to take over a shift, even though this withholds me from respecting my own boundaries and having a good work-life balance.  

Verena

When I hear about all the struggles of my team, I interpret it as “these people are in trouble” and I should help them. A vulnerable part of me fears for my team members well-being, just like I felt as child when I felt responsible for my mum and siblings well-being in a conflicting environment. That’s too painful to feel. To deal with this pain I try to disengage with the team even though this withholds me from really addressing the struggles of our team in depth.

Marie-Anne

When I’m one of the only few to express a point of view during a meeting, and I don’t know exactly what all others are thinking, I expect they might not see my good intentions. A vulnerable part of me fears being seen as only focusing on my own gain, just like I felt earlier in life when I was not understood by my friends at school. That’s too painful to feel. To deal with this pain I talk with different people after a meeting to try to know what they really think , even though this might come across as talking behind some people’s back and prevents us from having high trust within the team.  

Lore

When someone makes a decision in a meeting, I interpret it as I’m losing autonomy, as someone is deciding for me and I’m losing control over my life. A vulnerable part of me fears being powerless, just like I felt as a teenager when my father was suicidal no matter what I did for him. That’s still painful to feel. To deal with this pain, I make sure nobody is deciding for me and therefor I disengage in the meeting and rebel against the decision that is taken, even if this withholds me from contributing to a collaborative team.

After only a few hours of exploration, sharing, and reflecting back these emotional truths, the results were remarkable:

• Each team member felt deeply understood, seen, and accepted in their limiting pattern.
• Empathy for each other's patterns increased significantly.
• Individuals took responsibility for the consequences of their patterns and acknowledged their role in triggering others' patterns.
• A deep sense of connection and trust among team members was established.

Thus, by addressing the team member’s limiting patterns in a long lasting transformational way, the team transitioned from collaborative struggles to profound levels of awareness, openness, accountability, and trust in a very short time period!

I must admit, by the end of the day, I was exhausted. However, my heart was filled with joy upon receiving numerous positive feedback, such as:

• "Malou, what a beautiful, intense, and instructive day you offered us! I feel very connected to everyone today. Opening up and being vulnerable has definitely brought us closer together. This day marks the beginning of a strong and warm team that can weather any storm."
• "I expected a lighthearted team-building day filled with laughter under the sun. Instead, it was intense and deep, but much more effective in bringing us closer together. Thank you, Malou!"

The good news is that facilitating such profound change in a team is not mere "hocus pocus." It involves a structured process that you can you learn with the TK facilitation model.

If you're interested in learning more about the neural mechanism of change required to change limiting beliefs and patterns at their root cause, I invite you to watch my FREE TK Taster Class. 

You're also welcome to witness a demo on how to explore the emotional truth of an unwanted pattern in my upcoming TK Taster Webinar